you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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