Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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