mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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