Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
