Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
