No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
