oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
