Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
