there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
