I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
