I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
