last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
