I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
