you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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