drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
