The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
