Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
