I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
