like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
