I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
