just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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