2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
