i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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