apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No subtext here. People are naked.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
