woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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