and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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