I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
