were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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