Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm really busy with my period
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