I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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