if i can run in heels then i can drive
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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