drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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