she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
