foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
