so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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