you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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