dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He better not be in your backpack
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
