You just made me feel so damn special
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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