dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
is it fun? or sober?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
