im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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