he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
