The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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