I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
