Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am one with the molecules
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
