just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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