the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
