Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
zippers are such a cool invention
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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