At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
