whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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