You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
