I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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