Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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