true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
