The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
