Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I will pee on everything he values.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
