it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
