I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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